People are different, so the secrets of a successful marriage vary for us all, and what works for one won’t always work for someone else.
Marriage is particularly difficult in the early days when we attempt to juggle the needs and lifestyle of another to align with our own busy schedule. This is the time to have a critical conversation about the allocation of tasks and domestic workload, as often the women end up doing a lot more cleaning, laundry, cooking, and shopping than their partner. If this issue is not worked out initially, it will cause problems later.
What is a Happy Marriage?
Marriage won’t always be happy, but when the couple is committed to one another, they will be able to work through the issues together and solve most of the problems. It is when the issues become insurmountable, for example, large amounts of debt or serious health issues, it is important to seek help. A lot of the problems could be initially dealt with by having a few serious conversations before marriage on these topics.
The Four Pillars of a Good Marriage:
- Finances and attitudes to spending patterns / risk management.
- Having children and commitment to raising responsible children.
- Staying healthy, attitudes to drugs and alcohol.
- Commitment versus infidelity.
When the couple reaches a good understanding of the other person’s attitude to the 4 pillars of a good marriage listed above, and are closely aligned with the beliefs of the other, the marriage has a good chance of working.
With money, if one is a saver and one a profligate spender, the marriage will probably ultimately not work. However, we are all capable of change in spending habits!
Not Marriage Counselling, but Pre-Marriage Counselling.
Counselling sessions prior to marriage enabling the couple to become aware of and focus on potential problem areas would clarify the points that are of concern or could cause conflict later on.
In some cultures, this type of counselling does occur, but studies are very limited on the success rate of the outcomes. Once the marriage starts to break down, it can be difficult to change the problem areas.
Usually, we can accept the minor problems and work through them and when a couple is genuinely in love, their feeling often remains stable over quite a long time. One of the contributing factors to remaining in a happy marriage is to have a few, say three early years, of being in a stable relationship without too much change occurring.
This allows us to bond in our relationship and to get used to marriage without change. This is especially true of less mature couples, who need that time to become a couple without too much conflict in the way. So, one of the secrets of a successful marriage is to bond in your relationship before children arrive! If you haven’t experienced conflict until now, all this is about to change.
You want children, you are committed to having children, but they do tend to ruin the romance!
Both parents look forward to raising a child, but it does tend to take your focus away from yourself and your partner. For those people with Narcissistic tendencies, this can be hard to bear, as when you are used to full attention and suddenly deprived of it, you may look for it elsewhere.
However, with most well-adjusted and firmly bonded couples, having a child is still life-changing. The relationship between spouses suffers when kids come along. For those who have decided not to have children, the relationship remains much the same.
One of the secrets of staying happy and together is to try, as much as possible, to jointly share parenting responsibilities. When we add another person to the household, it definitely changes the dynamic. Even with same-sex couples, a new baby brings less satisfaction with the relationship.
During this time, it is important that both parents are able to have some time to themselves while the other parent takes care of the baby. Even two to four hours a week, to go shopping or catch up with a friend for a drink and movie, is enough.
Live as a Family Unit.
Housing is very expensive now, and some young families live with their In-laws to save a deposit for a house. In most cases, this is not a good idea, and your little family unit is better off living in your own home or apartment, as your mother or mother-in-law will have different child-raising ideas from yours.
This is your child and although support is welcomed, raise the child your way, this way your family unit will stay happy and intact.
Secrets of a Successful Marriage.
Having a successful marriage often goes back to having basic good manners, and showing consideration for others.
Try to keep the romance alive in your relationship by always observing occasions, birthdays, anniversaries, Valentine’s Day, everything you can celebrate should be celebrated as it takes our minds off day-to-day life.
Plan a holiday, and as your child grows, go somewhere where children are catered for, these will form happy memories in the photo album.
A local childless couple with a dog, don’t go anywhere without the dog, so they are forced to find dog-friendly cafes and dog-friendly holidays, when asked why they said it makes them happy! Their marriage actually revolves around Fido.
The point is you do have to have something in common that you are both passionate about, like a hobby, the children or a pet. If you like trekking or walking, it is something you do together that makes you both happy.
Many couples are so happy with family life; they feel bereft when the children grow up and leave. This causes a re-examination of the relationship and some even divorce at this point. Others thrive by pursuing their own hobbies and interests, or doing things together. So, there is no real secret, it is just a matter of what makes you happy!
Also read the article: What is the Beauty of Late Love?