Many of us find ourselves in toxic relationships, but the question is: Why do we continue to tolerate them? A bad friend is a person who takes our time money and energy without giving much, if anything, in return. They are often passive-aggressive, or merely aggressive. Why don’t we tell the so-called friend that they have hurt us, and their behavior is unacceptable?
We will take a look at the reasons we continue to tolerate these so-called friends as often acknowledging the behavior leads to resolving the underlying issues, or maybe getting rid of them permanently, so what is a toxic relationship?
Signs of a Toxic Relationship.
One of the signs that we look for in unacceptable behavior is when we try to ‘call the other person out’, and they reply that we are oversensitive or irrational and brush our comments aside, often quite rudely. This is known as gaslighting.
Gaslighting is a reference to attempts to make a person question the truth of what they are saying. It can be a clever tactic, but manipulative, toxic people are often highly intelligent, and it is a pity that they don’t use their intelligence for good! So, try not to be sidetracked from making your point, which is that toxic behavior is unacceptable. No one deserves to be treated rudely.
We Deserved it Mentality.
We may blame ourselves for the bad behavior, and unfortunately, this attitude can be a reflection of our own insecurities and the fact that we are not placing enough value on ourselves.
Sometimes talking the problem through with a psychologist can help to overcome the difficulties and give us the strategies to deal with them. Get rid of the mindset that tells us, ‘I would rather have a bad friend than no friends’. Well, the truth is, this is a toxic friend and life will be a lot better without them.
The Toxic Marriage.
A toxic relationship will leave you feeling drained and unhappy, and things need to change. Of course, the short answer is to break up immediately, but for many of us, it isn’t that easy. One of the main signs is a lack of support and lack of trust. Time spent in one another’s company is no longer happy and positive, and it is often clear that the other person only cares about their needs and wants.
Mutual respect is lacking and disrespect creeps in, often fueled by contempt. Controlling behavior is another ‘red flag’ and your partner may start to monitor your social media site or even ask you to close it down. Coercive control is now legally recognized, and if the control becomes abusive, remove yourself from the relationship immediately.
Resentment and holding grudges also kill intimacy, and if your partner won’t listen to your concerns, it is time to leave.
Stress and Toxicity.
Life can be extremely challenging, and there will always be some stress in a relationship. Signs of a toxic relationship can take a toll on both physical and mental health. This can leave the sufferer unwell and exhausted, and having our needs continually ignored does not help.
When putting our energy into this type of relationship, we often lose other relationships like family and friends. So, the time ultimately comes when we have to weigh up the odds and choose one over the other, as dealing with your partner on a day-to-day basis takes too much time.
Lack of Time for Self.
We find ourselves withdrawing from hobbies and activities we once loved, for example, our daily gym class has been a habit for 10 years, and we now lack the energy to continue to attend, mainly because our partner wants us to spend time with him.
There is not a lot of point in hoping for change, which usually fails to happen unless both parties accept that there is a need for change.
When both parties are willing to invest in the relationship this is a good sign, doing so can be in the form of conversations, bushwalking or doing things that both parties love, and doing them together to bring the couple closer.
Ways to Leave a Toxic Relationship.
For those couples who have tried to make things work and failed, the time comes to leave. Try to do this openly and honestly, seek some support, and consider Psychology. Therapy helps couples work through separation and divorce, especially when there are children involved.
Meet new people and make new contacts, and gradually you will move on. Stay present and engaged during critical conversations, especially where financial settlements are concerned, we can’t afford to become vague, especially where money is concerned.
Unhealthy Relationships Lead to Diminished Self Worth.
When a partner has spent years blaming you for everything, it ultimately damages your feelings of self-worth. You may have been publicly shamed and diminished continuously in public. No one should spend time worrying about their safety or their relationship all the time.
It is a form of abuse to be kept away from family and friends, and this should never happen. If it does, it is another reason to leave immediately. Insults and detrimental remarks about a spouse’s appearance should not be tolerated, along with fear and intimidation.
A turning point in a relationship comes when you realize that good friends and good partners deserve good friends and partners in return. Leaving a toxic friend or partner will save time, and money, and the stress will fall away. This allows you to invest your energy in kind supportive friendships and relationships.
There is absolutely no point in investing in a toxic relationship, and sadly, many people take years to realize this. Sometimes you must put yourself first, and if you don’t, the stress could make you extremely unwell. When leaving a relationship, having the support of a good counselor.
This is essential to get you through the difficult times when a lot of self-doubts begin to creep in. Toxic relationships are never normal, and we should not be allowed to think they are okay.
Read the article: Should You Always Tell the Truth in a Relationship?